I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
