He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
