From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
