I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
