i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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