He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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