We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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