dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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