i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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