I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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