Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
