If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize