your parents love me but you hate me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think my vagina is haunted
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
