The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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