Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
