I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
