Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
