I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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