I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
