you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
