never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize