dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
