Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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