you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So squirting runs in the family.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize