Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
