I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
