I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
