I can't watch pbs sober anymore
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
