need another drink. this is the easiest way
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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