I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
