That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Fuck appropriateness.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
