if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
