Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
