It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
