Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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