I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
