ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
