I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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