I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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