Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
