That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
