haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it penis luge time yet?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
