Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
