Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
