I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
