you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
