It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
