I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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