cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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