Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
