I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
