I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
