did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
