I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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