god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
