he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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