I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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