Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
