This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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