So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
