Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
