i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she pinky promised me she was 18
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
