I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
