I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
