Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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