If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
