You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
