drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize